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:iconofonesoul:
This story was full of a lot of emotions and definitely a lot of complicated relationships. It is elements like these that make for interesting reads which you have certainly provided. :love:

Because you have requested a critique, I was going to point out a few grammatical errors that do not normally take away from a piece... however; when they are found rampantly throughout a story, they certainly need to be corrected.

For instance...

:bulletred: You've misspelled several words - in most instances, it appears that spell-check simply didn't catch them. :shrug: For example: In the first paragraph you wrote, "fell" where you obviously mean "feel".

:bulletred: There's a few punctuation errors. For example: In the first quote where Ku is revealing her feelings to Ken, you do not have a period at the end of the quote.

:bulletred: Another punctuation example, in this sentence:

"She said those word with pride but later when Ken chose Subrina. Ku realized that accepting the answer was harder then she thought... So to kill the pain and misery in her heart she wanted to run away."

You are in desperate need of a comma between the first and second sentence. That way it would read:

"She said those words with pride, but later when Ken chose Subrina Ku realized that accepting the answer was harder then she thought. To kill the pain and misery in her heart she wanted to run away.

It was an interesting story in all, sweetie! And props to you and the others for your wonderful and rich characters. :tighthug:

:heart: *OfOneSoul
The Artist thought this was FAIR
3 out of 3 deviants thought this was fair.

Comments


:iconsumizu-and-shualee:
Sumizu-and-Shualee Nov 24, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you very much I'm kinda sleepy because it's really early in the morning for me but thank you so much I 'm really grateful for the Critique THANK YOU :tighthug:
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:iconofonesoul:
OfOneSoul Nov 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
You are very welcome, darling! :tighthug:
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:iconsumizu-and-shualee:
Sumizu-and-Shualee Nov 25, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
also I like your icon`
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:iconofonesoul:
OfOneSoul Nov 26, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you, darling! It was made by the lovely, ~the-snow-fox. :love:
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:iconsumizu-and-shualee:
Sumizu-and-Shualee Nov 26, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Your welcome
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