Tales tell of the wretched beast who greedily hid his horde;
the wealth of his father's father lain deep in forgotten caves.
Many traveling bards grew weary of unfinished tales
of who would brave the mountain and the monster who guarded the gate.
He had never slain a dragon nor held a trace of gold,
but fables were born from truth and poor he should be no more.
The climb had left him bloody and scarred, but the cave was in his midst.
In his weary eyes could see a golden gleam of treasure assured.
He entered the fazing darkness on tremulous faith alone
with nothing but his dirty hands and subtly breaking limbs.
No light from within but what shown from without
exposed the truth of the myth for which he would suffer.
A sleeping dragon slumbered upon dust and hollow bones;
glory-seekers decaying into the monster's ghastly nest.
Ensnared in giant scales and thick wings of red veins
was the tint of flushed skin encircled with long yellow hair.
He begged for the golden chests & ornate jewelry sworn,
For the monster's treasure would not prevent a lifetime of despair.
A breaking rib under his heel caused the beast to rouse,
and as the woman's eyes did flutter, she spared a few soft words:
"Please, do not steal me."
He fled from the mountain pass, carried by rushed winds;
running for the sake of his life as if the beast had awoken.
Through heavy breaths and trembling hands
he considered the dragon's choice.;
to find a woman with hair of such an illuminating hue;
to stare into the eyes of endless certainty;
to plunge into darkness and never feel alone.
He knew the monster for the wiser
… and no richer a man or beast could be.
One thing which might enhance the picture you're forming is using a couple of senses I don't see here. "Smell" and "Taste." I can see everything, hear the crunch of bone, feel the peril of the moment, but I can't taste sulfur or smell the wind's gale.
The structure changes toward the end, after "Please do not steal me." The flow alters, throwing me a little. It isn't terrible, but different. If you're going for an intentional pace-change from 'Bravely entering the dragon's domain' to 'running for the hills,' it works. But note that your lines shorten considerably thereafter. It isn't a big error, just something to bear in mind.
I love the above-mentioned line and those surrounding it. What it implies is stunning and dramatic and perfect. Your verses are eloquent, your style masterly. The last line is well played. Well done.
Your Ballad-osity
How much like a ballad is this really? Well, quite so, as it happens. It fits the format of an epic-in-scope free-verse poem of sufficient length and a relatively even pace (with varied tonage) that allows it to be recited aloud in a tuned voice, or sung if need be. The language used is also pretty balad-esque (and I am terrible at being definite).
Your Flow
To get a feel of how it flowed, I read this aloud to my dog. She didn't seem overly impressed, but she is a dog and knows nothing of ballads. It did allow me to ascertain that, given a few exceptions, this ballad flows verbally quite well, with an even meter and wonderful inflections (the text accents are gloriously done, by the way).
The exceptions:
of who would brave the mountain and the monster who guarded the gate was too long and unwieldy for the regular meter. Instead, I recited the last half in a slower tone, (the monster -pause- who guarded -pause- the gate -pause and resume meter-).
poor he should be no more reads better as poor should/would he be no more.
his dirty hands reads better as just dirty hands
and thick wings of red veins seems like a truncated line. The whole line is a bit clunky, and it cuts short when reciting. I'm not sure how to fix it, though.
Aside from that, the flow is wonderful, the narrative flow is even and leads you on, and the imagery is consistently solid.
Your Story
Did I like the story in general? Yes. As a twist on the traditional formula of dragon+horde+damsel+knight=adventure, it works well, bringing something new to the genre plate of dragon ballads. Having a fallible hero works in your favour as well.
Your Rhyme
I'm not generally in favour of twisting a good story just so that the ends of lines arbitrarily sound similar. It reads quite well as it is.
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