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Literature Text
Swans and wings are floating by
on a breeze imbued with jasmine and
willows outstretching their arms in welcome.
Through deep breaths he arrives
plunged in murky, pungent water.
A quiet whisper, and he prays -
"Please... may I linger here?"
Willows lower their arms
and jasmine falls to the Earth
where the wind dies and finally rests.
The crows are cawing hymns,
begging to be swans.
But only the duck submerged in Swan Lake
has delved the desired shore.
Its waters dangerous and plagued
by monsters baring their teeth;
most ghastly and putrid they are
that no crow may ripple its surface
nor any songbird seeking beauty fair.
The Swan Maidens bare their chests
and open their wings in veneration -
for the duck has sought beauty through courage
and earned his guise of grace and virtue.
on a breeze imbued with jasmine and
willows outstretching their arms in welcome.
Through deep breaths he arrives
plunged in murky, pungent water.
A quiet whisper, and he prays -
"Please... may I linger here?"
Willows lower their arms
and jasmine falls to the Earth
where the wind dies and finally rests.
The crows are cawing hymns,
begging to be swans.
But only the duck submerged in Swan Lake
has delved the desired shore.
Its waters dangerous and plagued
by monsters baring their teeth;
most ghastly and putrid they are
that no crow may ripple its surface
nor any songbird seeking beauty fair.
The Swan Maidens bare their chests
and open their wings in veneration -
for the duck has sought beauty through courage
and earned his guise of grace and virtue.
Literature
for unseeing eyes
laden with sky
we stumbled
and painted mockingbirds
on loveless branches
folding in our slender limbs
and ducking under our own
voices, fidgety and frail
against the wall of night.
between the dipping blades
and drawn shoulders
we learned to craft our words
steady-soft,
a drumming rain
that carved canyons
in open hearts and
drew the sunshine to
our supping lips.
keen-eyed, we watched
remembering the weight
of unseeing eyes
and scalding remarks
and we learned to slip
the noose-knots and slide
through the soul-cracks
and somehow
build kingdoms under
upturned noses.
with lyrical uncertainty
and tender determinat
Literature
Soak My Feet In Wine
When the sun and the earth were in love, ever young
I was born on a full moon with silver clarity
I'm that woman who sleeps on olive groves
Who makes angels fall in love with men's daughters
And lets herself be tricked by your sweet spells
Who obeys the very impulse of her heart
Do you know who I am, where I came from ?
I live where stars grow bigger on a light breeze
Where butterflies were once flowers
Where God blessed my garden in Eden with peace
There, I lay on a cloud softer than foam
When the day splits into two halves, you see me
My steps are as light as those of a chamois
My hair running wild; wings of an evil crow
My mouth has the
Literature
honey-filled hearts
he asked her if she loved him
and she looked at that golden boy
with a bumblebee smile and sad veins
like good champagne leaking onto the stars
only a million words were left unsaid.
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MY FIRST DAILY DEVIATION!
I couldn't believe when I logged on this morning that I received a DD.
When I wrote this poem, I thought to myself,
"Wow, you should really stick to prose."
I'm glad that someone doesn't think so.
Special thanks to BeccaJS for featuring me, and thank you for either ing, commenting, or reading!
This is my audition for poetry-book's Scratch That Poetry Tournament. As the rules stated, the participants could write about anything... exceptoverly depressing subject matter.
This piece was greatly inspired by the ballet, Swan Lake. I have just recently refallen in love with it while doing research for my NaNoWriMo '12 project, Drowning Sirens.
I wanted to tell a story that may have seemed sad at first but in the end had a childlike sense of retribution that not only teaches all of us a lesson but gives everyone that isn't necessarily a swan, hope.
Please let me know what you think. I'd love some feedback on this.
OfOneSoul
Thank you TheGalleryOfEve for the beautiful art inspired by this piece!
I couldn't believe when I logged on this morning that I received a DD.
When I wrote this poem, I thought to myself,
"Wow, you should really stick to prose."
I'm glad that someone doesn't think so.
Special thanks to BeccaJS for featuring me, and thank you for either ing, commenting, or reading!
My first poem in ages!
This is my audition for poetry-book's Scratch That Poetry Tournament. As the rules stated, the participants could write about anything... except
This piece was greatly inspired by the ballet, Swan Lake. I have just recently refallen in love with it while doing research for my NaNoWriMo '12 project, Drowning Sirens.
I wanted to tell a story that may have seemed sad at first but in the end had a childlike sense of retribution that not only teaches all of us a lesson but gives everyone that isn't necessarily a swan, hope.
Please let me know what you think. I'd love some feedback on this.
OfOneSoul
Thank you TheGalleryOfEve for the beautiful art inspired by this piece!
© 2012 - 2024 OfOneSoul
Comments101
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Hi, I'm critiquing on behalf of <img class="avatar" src="a.deviantart.net/avatars/w/r/w…" alt="" title="Writers--club" />. <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/w/w…" width="25" height="20" alt="" data-embed-type="emoticon" data-embed-id="437" title="Hi!"/>
First of all, congratulations on the DD! You definitely deserved it.
In the interest of keeping myself from gushing, I'll get to your questions:
I think the imagery here is quite well done. It's at its most vivid in the first stanza, but stays pretty consistent throughout the rest of the poem. Some highlights for me in terms of imagery were: the first and third stanzas, and this set of lines: "The Swan Maidens bare their chests/and open their wings in veneration." Very compelling.
I think the pacing is well done here, and I don't think there's anything I would change. The same goes for the story; I think this interpretation of the Ugly Duckling is one of the most creative that I've seen.
As for rhyming, I think this is a piece best left as free verse. Both because I think this is great as it is, and also because rhyme can be constricting, and could very well take away from the impact of the piece.
Overall, this is a great piece, and I look forward to reading more of your work.